that's what they said

Fine. Physician’s Desk Reference.
Nice. Smart.
Hollowed out; inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and - in case I get bored - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. No - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

- Dwight Schrute, Jim Halpert // The Fire // 2.4

I don’t really know what to say, um, I’m not one for making speeches, but uh, my heart is very full at this moment.

- Michael Scott // Office Olympics // 2.3

A 30-year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.

- Dwight Schrute // Office Olympics // 2.3

We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you’re gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

- Dwight Schrute // Office Olympics // 2.3

Attention everyone, hello! Uh, yes, I just want you to know that uh, this is not my decision, but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work-associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. In the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression, I will no longer ever do any of those things.
Does that include “that’s what she said”?
Mmm-hmm. Yes.
Wow, that is really hard. Do you really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so…
That’s what she said!!

- Michael Scott, Jim Halpert // Sexual Harassment // 2.2

I’m in an office relationship. It’s special. Um, she’s nice, she’s shy, she’s actually here if you want to meet her. Hold on one second. Oh my God, put on a shirt! Put on- I told you that you’d be on camera. I’m sorry, she’s European. No, I told you that you’d be on camera. Stop!

- Jim Halpert // Sexual Harassment // 2.2

The only thing I’m worried about is getting a boner.

- Michael Scott // Sexual Harassment // 2.2

I have never slept with an employee, and believe me I could have.

- Michael Scott // Sexual Harassment // 2.2

Mo’ money mo’ problems.

- Michael Scott // Sexual Harassment // 2.2

What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? This guy!

- Todd Packer // Sexual Harassment // 2.2